Why do u do this to yourself?
by stacieblue
Summary: Grell has been cutting himself every time he gets rejected by Sebastian , and Stacie has had enough. So she takes Grell's old diary and shows it to Sebastian. She hope this will show Sebastian how badly grell needs him.
1. Chapter 1

Why do u do this to yourself?

Grell's Pov:

I held the knife to my wrist again and left another cut. I let it slowly bleed before I cleaned it up. I was yet again rejected by my crush Sebastian. I know that I flirt with a lot of men but for some reason I am always drawn to Bassy. I don't know why but I feel as I can be myself around him not the "slutty make love to me''self, but the real. The only reason I'm scared to show someone that I love the real me is that history might repeat.  
time skip:

Stacie and her sister Annabella have come to check up on me again. Will hired them as my personal therapist to keep me from killing myself.  
Stacie: Grell, u've been cutting again haven't u?  
Grell: so what if I have been it's not like anybody cares.  
Annabella: Grell we care. We don't want u to end up killing yourself over some guy. I know I know Sebastian is not just some guy, he's your dream guy.

Stacie: we know that u two are meant to be together but Sebastian is to stupid to know that.  
I sighed, knowing that she was probably right and that the chances of me and Sebastian would ever be together.  
Stacie: look I have to go and visit my nephew. Anna keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't kill himself.  
She soon left Annabella in charge of me and went to visit her nephew.


	2. Fixing the problem

Stacie's POV  
I waited outside the Phantomhive manor to have finny open the door.  
Fin: Aunt Stacie nice to see u again.  
St: same to u.  
Sebastian walked in with his usual smile and I asked him to get Ciel for me. When he came back down stairs Ciel and his neko bf Alois came down with him. They seemed to be arguing but Ciel soon shut him up with a kiss.  
St: it' nice to see one couple being lovey and not see someone trying to kill them self.  
Alois: who's been trying to kill them self?  
Me: Grell.  
Alois: What!  
I knew that Alois and Grell were goof friends so I explained that Grell had been trying several suicide attempts. And that he had been cutting himself as well. When Alois asked me why. I quickly explained that it was Sebastian's fault, and that every time Sebastian rejected him he would leave another cut. I them gave Sebastian a copy of Grell's diary.  
Sebastian's POV:  
Stacie gave me a copy of Grell's diary and instructed me to read it. Seeing as the young master had ordered me to follow her every order whenever she came to visit, I did as told. I took the book to my room, sat down on the bed and began to read.

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	3. Grell's Diary

**A/n: anything in bold italics come from Grell's diary. I will only give 6 passages from it but enough so u will know why Sebastian feels so guilty.  
** _ **November 8 1828:  
Dear Diary, 3 weeks ago I meet a girl with beautiful red hair and luscious blue eyes. I've always loved the color red but that's not what drew me to her. No it was that kindness that she gave me. I had just lost my job and was sitting at a bus stop when she stopped her car and offered me a ride home. She gave me her number and told me to call her sometime. After I told her I lost my job she gave me a business card to a company that was hiring. I smiled and asked her if she would like to have dinner with me. I told her I didn't have much but I wanted to repay her for her act of kindness. She then offered to take me to dinner instead and pay for it as well. I couldn't let a young lady do that for me but she insisted. I gladly accepted and then the following week she helped me get back on my feet. Now we're dating and I couldn't be happier.  
Sincerely, Grell.  
January 20 1829:  
Dear Diary, today my heart was shattered by the one I loved. I was on my way to propose to my sweetheart. I believed she was loyal and I trusted her but I was wrong. When I arrived at her apartment I found the door unlocked and when I opened the door to her bedroom I found her in bed with someone else. And not a man no a woman. I ran out of there crying my heart and soul broken. Today I have given up on women.  
Sincerely, Grell.  
January 3 1837:  
Dear Diary, It has been 3 years since I became a reaper and I have completely changed my personal. I have sworn to never show anyone else my real self unless I know for sure I can trust them. I hide my neko features that I gained when I became a reaper to protect myself from demons. Speaking of demons, today I meant the most handsome demon today. I had been posing as a butler working for a women named Madame red. I learned that the demon was a butler to her nephew. The demon's name was Sebastian oh what a wonderful name. I have to go now diary duty calls.  
January 12th 1837:  
Dear diary, Today will hired me a couple of therapist after the whole jack the ripper accident. They help me a little but it doesn't help heal my sorrow that I am caused every time Sebastian rejects me.  
Sincerely, Grell.  
December 29th 1838:  
Dear diary, it has been a year since I began cutting. I started after I heard Bassy call me worthless. Its one thing when your boss calls u that but another when your crush does. I leave a cut on my arm every time Sebastian rejects me. Christmas though had to be the worst and the greatest day of my life. I was invited to a Christmas party by my neko friend Alois. It was hosted by his bf Ciel. When I arrived at the party I got a chance to dance with Sebastian and receive a kiss under the mistletoe. Then the worst thing happened: I overheard him talking to Ciel about the kiss and I heard him say that he would rather burn than be with me. That broke my heart even more than it already was. I told Alois that I had some laundry to do and then ran out crying. Today is the last day u'll probably hear from, for I no longer wish to live.**_

 _ **Sincerely Grell.  
January 18th 1839:  
Dear Diary, I guess u get another chance to hear from me. My therapist had come to my rescue. I haven't left my house in 3 weeks mainly because I wish not to see anyone. Not even Sebastian. Speaking of Sebastian, I have no idea why but for some reason I feel as I can be myself around him. He is truly loyal and would never betray well that's what my heart is telling me. I wish not to trust anyone or show them that side of me for I do not want a repeat of what happened 5 years ago. But for some reason I feel as he is the one that is meant for me.  
**_ **Sebastian's POV:**  
I continued to read Grell's diary and with every page I felt guiltier and guiltier. I was the cause that he had tried to kill himself so many times, and the reason he had cut himself so many times. All Grell wanted was a chance. He wanted someone he could trust enough to show his real self. I had found out things about him that I had never known and would have known if I had just given him a chance. As I read I realized that I had misjudged Grell. That I never tried to get to know the real him. I decided the only way to stop Grell from actually ending his life was to give him and see the real him. I wanted to fix all the mistakes that I had made and to help him go back to his normal self. I went down stairs and told Stacie that I felt guilty and was ready to help. I told her I wanted to meet the other side of Grell the real Grell, but she told me that he had locked that part of him away. So I just told her that I would just have to unlock it myself.

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	4. The Date(Getting ready at least)

Sebastian's POV:

Stacie went and told Grell that I wanted to go on a date with him but he refused to believe her. So the young master sent to do it myself. When I went to the reaper regiment. I saw Claude and William in mid make out as I entered the office. I shook my head a little happy that Claude was finally getting attention from his seme. I went into Grell's room and saw him crying into his pillow. This was to be expected. Stacie had informed that every-time they stopped one of Grell's suicide attempts he would cry his eyes out about how he wished that they had just let him die. I walked over and put my hand on his shoulder. He looked up and I carefully wiped his tears. I asked him if he would like to go on a double date. I suggested double that way he wouldn't be so nervous. I also told him about why I was doing this and that I wanted to meet the real Grell. He agreed, and we invited Alois and the young master. Alois wanted to take Grell shopping so the date was set for the next day.

Alois' POV:

I took Grell shopping for his date with Sebastian. I wanted him to look his best since this was his first date with his crush. I had to find me an outfit as well since this was a double date. I and Grell looked all over the mall and in every store he wanted to wear something red. It was getting dark so we finally compromised and got him a red dress top and a black ruffle skirt. I got a yellow dress top and a navy blue ruffle skirt. We headed back to the manor and talked all night. I helped Grell bring out his real self. Ciel was kind enough to let him sleepover since that date was tomorrow. I finally got Grell to at least be comfortable with showing Sebastian his neko side. That was all I could do for now. The rest would be up to Sebastian.


End file.
